Experiencing Grief is Normal

 “Death is the destiny of everyone; the living should take this to heart” (Ecclesiastes 7:2, NIV).

Grief is an ordinary and universal experience, yet the culture is primarily silent about its impact. Wright (2004) notes that grieving is harder when we do not acknowledge loss, teach about the process of grieving, or normalize grief. Long-time grief coach Eisenhauer (2012) notes that “North America is the only continent that acts as if death is optional” (p. 5). With this cultural avoidance of end-of-life and grief for those left behind, it is not surprising that there is a need for grief coaching to normalize and educate about the experience of grief.

If grief is normal and everyone experiences it, what are healthy attitudes towards it? Counselors and Coaches agree that grief is an experience to embrace, befriend, hold in your arms, yield to, and allow it to “work in your life and mourn” (Eisenhauer, 2012; Wright, 2004). When grief is treated like an enemy to fight, grief will refuse to stay contained; instead, it will escape through negative emotions like bitterness, depression, unforgiveness, and anger. My mother used to say, “What you do not work out, you will act out,” and concerning grief work, it is true. Grief is normal and experienced by everyone, and it is work that everyone must do once they are thrust into a loss. The first step in processing grief is to realize there is no opt-out choice. Once you find you have lost someone, you must begin the journey of grief.

References

Eisenhauer, D., & Hastings, V. (2012). Coaching at end of life. Coaching4Clergy.

Holy Bible, New International Version, (NIV). (2011). Originally printed in 1973, 1978, and 1984. Biblica Inc.

Wright, H. N. (2004). Experiencing grief. B&H Publishing.