What is Grief, Mourning, & Loss?

"It is not enough for a person to feel their grief. Healthy grief must involve mourning."-Eisenhauer & Hastings

Grief, mourning, and loss are words often used interchangeably, so I would like to take the time to define them. Grief is "what one feels inside after a loved one has died" and feels like inward sorrow (Eisenhauer & Hastings, 2012, p. 29). A person experiences grief inwardly in their thoughts and emotions. These experiences roll around in an individual's conscious and unconscious parts and can move toward positive or negative feelings.

Mourning is "the external and visible expression of what is experienced inside" and looks like "crying, talking about the deceased person, funeral or memorial services, and acknowledging anniversary dates" (Eisenhauer & Hastings, 2012, p. 29). Healthy grief requires the expression of mourning; otherwise, the emotion cannot be externalized and released from the body.

Loss is a feeling of sorrow when something or someone of value is no longer present (Robnett et al., 2020). Wright (2006) identifies many different types of losses that people experience. Types of losses, including but not limited to loss through abandonment, ambiguous loss, body part, culture, expected (developmental), finances, friends, group, health, identity, marriage, pets, physical, relocation, secondary, and unfilled expectations. Some we recognize, and others are not so obvious. Something as exciting as a child going to kindergarten has loss hidden in it—loss of their daily companionship, loss of preschool innocence, and loss of being the primary authority figure to the child. When we do not recognize our losses, "we do not spend the time and energy dealing with them" (Wright, 2006, p. 14). Once we acknowledge our losses of great value, it is time to begin the journey of grief.

References

Eisenhauer, D., & Hastings, V. (2012). Coaching at end of life. Coaching4Clergy.

Robnett, R. H., Brossoie, N., & Chop, W. C. (2020). Gerontology for the health care professional (4th ed.). Jones & Bartlett Learning, LLC.

Wright, H. N. (2006). Recovering from losses in life (3rd ed.). Revell. (Original work published 1991/1993).